You Drive Me Crazy
by Snark-N-Moon
Summary: QuackerJack/Megavolt- A simple tale of how two insane individuals became something more.
1. Cheese and Crackers

"You Drive Me Crazy"

By Moonie and Snark

Disclaimer: The authors do NOT own Darkwing Duck or its characters, and Moonie doesn't know how to dance the macarena. But don't worry, Snark will be sure to correct this. If you like, leave a comment. If you hate, leave a comment. If you cut the cheese, leave a comment.

And a big ol' "thank you" to our beta: Celey!

Chapter One:

"Cheese and Crackers"

~0~0~0~

"Your heart is my piñata."

~ Chuck Palahniuk

~0~0~0~

"Buhahaha! Oh, Megsy, ain't that just rich? Hehehe!"

Laughter could be heard throughout the lighthouse of a certain electrical (self-proclaimed) genius. The city of Saint Canard, usually full of chaos or noise, was silent and peaceful. All that could be heard was the pitter-patter of rain. It seemed no devious daredevils were up to causing mischief on that rainy Sunday afternoon.

Especially not Megavolt.

"Oh, yeah. Standing outside in the pouring rain during a storm is the PERFECT place to admit your undying love! And sure! Shield her from the rain with that metal umbrella; I hope you like your girlfriends extra crispy," commented the electric rodent, a bray of mad laughter following it.

Beside him on a worn couch was his occasional partner in crime, the demented toymaker of St. Canard, Quackerjack. He, too, was caught in a bout of mad giggles. This cheesy romance movie they had decided to watch to pass away the rainy day had proven to be quite hilarious.

The mad mallard wiped away his own tears from his mirth, "Hehe! 'Martha, how could you ever think such a thing? That I could possibly have looked at any other woman but you? All I've ever noticed was you.'"

They threw back their heads as laughter exploded forth.

"But Tony! I'm just so insecure. I don't want to lose you! I'm so sorry Tony! Oh, what a fool I've been!" mocked Megavolt, in his best impression of a woman's voice. The two once again filled the lighthouse with their glee.

"'M-Martha'" Quackerjack squirmed and giggled some more, "'How could you be so damn stupid? You've had me at hello...' BUHAHAHA!"

"Oh Megsy, heh, who SAYS this stuff? Hehehe!"

Megavolt shrugged and cut his laugh short, causing him to snort.

"Paid actors with pretty faces and the acting skills of a tub of rubber cement?"

A twinkle seemed to appear in the jester's eyes as a crazy notion began to form.

"Heh. Ya know, Sparky, I bet WE could write a better romance than this junk."

Megs seemed to think this over for a bit before nodding.

"Yeah, we could! A couple of geniuses like us could definitely come up with something better than..." he searched for the DVD box, finding it half devoured by the hungry couch cushions and pulled it out to examine it. "Than 'Small Hearts in a Big City' ..." he finished, wrinkling his nose in dislike and drawing out the title as if it was a bad taste in his mouth. "I can see it now! A poor, lonely toaster oven, caught in a life-or-death battle, trying to sa-" A switch seemed to go off inside the rodent's frazzled mind, and he glared at the jester. "HEY! DON'T CALL ME SPARKY!"

The duck chortled a bit, amused by his friend's reaction. But he quickly pulled himself together and made himself serious... Or as serious as a guy in poofy pants and skittles vomit could be.

"Pfft! Of course YOU'D think of your appliances. Heh, but I was thinking of something along the lines of this: two villains. Just them against the world, and all they wanna do is have loads of fun. One is a devilishly handsome, fun guy who takes nothing seriously. His ol' palsy walsy is the weird, mad scientist type. And as time goes by, they realize each other is all they're ever gonna want or need."

Quackerjack paused and thought over what he just said, before breaking out into giggles again.

"Hahaha! Who am I kidding? That sounds just as corny. Hehe!"

Megavolt shook his head to clear out any thoughts of actually liking the duck's idea. It sounded brilliant! Or did it? The rodent gave a short, forced laugh.

"Yeah, Quacky. Geez, that's uh, terrible. In fact, if it were any cheesier, all of these crackers wouldn't have to go to waste," he replied, waving towards the open stack of crackers on the short end table in front of them. They had been heaped over with countless goodies, and now, they were mostly bare. After that he said nothing, staring at the lonely crackers. It was easy to tell his mind was far away again. Perhaps he was thinking about how sad it was that they were going to go stale and be thrown away. And perhaps not.

As the rodent went silently into his own world, so did the mallard into his. For some CRAZY reason, Quackerjack couldn't help but think the characters in his cheesy story plot sounded familiar. He tried to place why as he heard the the couple from the movie spew more "romantic" one-liners. Finally, it dawned on him. And he grinned widely from the thought of it.

"Heh. Hey, Megster... I think those characters I mentioned sound like us. Haha! What do ya know? What a slip! Can ya even imagine something as silly as that? Heh."

Megavolt jumped at the sound of Quackerjack's voice and looked at him as if he'd forgotten he was there. Then, slowly, recognition dawned on his face.

"What? Oh! Aheheeh, yeah, I guess the characters did sound a little like us, didn't they? That's just plain weird..." Megs pretended to be interested in the movie again, not daring to look too far into Quackerjack's suggestion. And for reasons unclear to him, he hoped it wouldn't be mentioned again.

Seeing the rodent's reaction gave the devious toymaker a hilarious idea for a joke. So, snuggling up closer to his friend, he fluttered his eyelashes and had his fingers walk up Megavolt's arms in a sultry manner. He held back his smile as he saw his companion grow a little uncomfortable.

"Oh, Megsy! How could you be such a fool? Don'tcha know you have always been the 'pop' in my lollipop? Heh. And that no one jumps my pogostick as well as you? You had me at 'Does this suit make my butt look big?' Hehehe!"

Megavolt yanked his arm away, placed both of his hands on the mallard's chest, and pushed him away, more-or-less back onto his side of the couch.

"Ohh, very funny. You're hilarious, Quackerjack," said Megs, trying to sound sarcastic and angry, which wasn't easy through the grin plastered across his own face. "You should audition for one of these sappy movies sometime!" he added, glancing at the credits rolling on the screen.

Quackerjack was still laughing at him. He grabbed the throw-pillow from behind him and lobbed it at the snickering jester. It hit home with a 'whump' sound.

"Oooo, abuse! You sure know how to turn a gal on!"

WHUMP!

"Heh. What'sa matter, Megsy-Wegsy, don'tcha wanna cuddle? Haha!"

WHUMP!

"Keep this up, and I'll have to take out my good ol' paddleball. Someone needs a good spank- OOF!"

Yet another pillow was thrown in Quackerjack's face. But this time it hit twice as hard and was much less amusing. He glared.

"Ooooooh, I'll have you know this means war!"

Something in the jester's narrowed eyes made Megavolt freeze in mid-throw as a wave of excited panic swept through his static-charged body. Quackerjack wasn't playing around anymore; Quackerjack was annoyed. Every available brain cell and nerve ending was telling him to RUN. The rodent leaped up and over the back of the couch but not before grabbing the three remaining throw-pillows on his side of the couch. The jester's quicker reflexes had him up and chasing after his friend, almost before Megs had landed. He ran, giggling, with his arms full of his own cotton-stuffed ammo.

"It's PLAAAAAAAAAYTIIIIIIIME!"

Thus, the two spent the rest of their afternoon stuck in war. As the rain continued to pour, the villains continued to run all about the lighthouse. Giggling and such, they were quick to forget what conversations had transpired.

But little did they know that their own cheesy romance was about to start...

~0~0~0~

END OF CHAPTER ONE

~0~0~0~

AN:

Snark: Hi. Hello. Salutations. Look at your man, now look at me. Look at your man, now back at me. Your man...and stay on me.

Moonie: This story is totally gay. Not that that's a bad thing. But if you do not wish for your stories be become so girly and gay, bathe your computer in holy water and Old Spice to manly it up.

Snark: Woah woah wooooah...when has Old Spice been anti-gay? Quacky LOVES Old Spice!

Moonie: Can manly men be gay, too?

Snark: I think so! Look at Bushy and Liqui! ...er, well, just look at Liquidator.

Moonie: .. Good point! Never mind then. Just enjoy the gay.

snark: i know *I* plan on it! Mmmhmm...Oh yeah, I'm so gonna eat you up wifey...I mean, what?

Moonie: Author's Notes over. Sexy times nao. kthanxbai.

Snark: Race you to the shower!


	2. Sexy, Naughty, Bitchy

"You Drive Me Crazy"

By Moonie and Snark

Disclaimer: The authors do NOT own Darkwing Duck or its characters. They also don't own Jello. Well, Snark currently owns lots of jiggly jello treats, but the disclaimer means to say they don't trademark it. The disclaimer is saddened by this. If you like, leave a comment. If you hate, leave a comment. If you've ever questioned your sexuality...leave me your number. RAWR!

And a big ol' "thank you" to our beta: Celey!

Chapter Two:

"Sexy, Naughty, Bitchy"

~0~0~0~

"To the world you may be just one person, but to one person you may be the world."

~ Brandi Snyder

~0~0~0~

Saint Canard: one of the finest cities around. It was known for its colorful lifestyle, its classy music, its-

"Meeeeegsy, I'm booooooored!"

And its crazy crime waves.

Quackerjack, the mad mallard of mischief and fun, had been standing around for awhile. At one point, while his rodent partner-in-crime was busy focused on trying to unlock the safe, Quacky had taken out a paddleball to amuse himself. But even that lost its charms after awhile.

Negaduck, the leader of the Fearsome Five, had sent out his underlings to cause some distractions while he had some bigger plan in store. The Lyceum nycanthropus and the sinuous sinister of a salesman had went off to one side of the town to terrorize a church. All the while, Megavolt and himself had decided to rob a place or two.

"Ya know, now, I'm starting to wish we had went to the church instead. It's not fair! Ol' Drippy and Melonhead must be having a million times more fun right now!"

Megavolt growled low in frustration and whipped around to face the jester, "Would you be QUIET? This takes total concentration and silence!"

Quackerjack crossed his arms, a pout forming on his beak. Megs knew the newly acquired silence wouldn't last for long, so he took advantage of it and went back to work trying to open the stubborn safe. He was using an old stethoscope to listen to the tumblers as he turned the dial this way and that. An old and poor method, but he wouldn't be forced to stoop to such lows if he still had his trusty tron-splitter. So far, he'd only managed to figure out two numbers.

The jester's foot patted the floor in impatience. He waited what seemed like forever, which in all actuality was only five minutes. Quackerjack suddenly tugged on his hat in frustration. The bells gave off an aggravated jingle.

"Ooooh, I can't stand it anymore! I'm gonna go mad, I tell ya, mad!"

He stopped for a moment and thought it over.

"Well...heh, at least crazier than I am now. Haha!"

There was a dull 'thud' as Megavolt took off the stethoscope and threw it down onto the wooden floor of the bank. He turned back to his partner in crime, ready to give him another berating, but the look of pure misery on the jester's mug made him stop and actually feel bad for the poor guy. The rodent took a deep breath and sighed, swallowing his frustration.

"Look, uh, Quacky. Why don't you, uh..." he scanned the dark room for something Quackerjack could possibly do. Seeing nothing of interest, he shrugged, "I dunno, talk about something NOT related to being bored."

Quackerjack's eyes widened on hearing this suggestion. It was... It was...

"Megsy, that's brilliant! DUH! Why didn't I think of that before?" He laughed at himself, before taking a moment to think of a topic. "Heh. So... Why does the mole on your butt look like Abe Linc-?"

"Anything BUT that!"

"Oh, fine. Party pooper. So, what the heck AM I supposed to talk about?"

Before the rodent could respond, the toymaker had pulled out his trusty friend, Mr. Bananabrain, from behind his back.

"How about the fact your birthday is on its way, May?"

Quackerjack's eyes widened yet again. A look of shock crossed his face. He slapped his forehead.

"Holy kidnapping children at the park, Mr. Bananabrain! Le gasp! How could I have forgot?"

Megavolt smiled as he heard another tumbler fall into place, putting him into a slightly better mood. Why, by this rate, he'd have this baby open by morning! His aching back suggested it'd better be sooner than THAT. Sitting up straighter on his knees, the rodent placed his hands on the small of his back and pressed until it cracked.

"Ahh. Much better," he sighed. He turned, facing Quackerjack and rearranged himself so he was sitting indian style. "Your birthday, huh? When's that?" he asked, looking between the jester and his doll, not sure who would answer. He never was sure.

It looked like the clown was going to answer, when Mr. Bananabrain cut him off.

"It's the seventh of June, Loon. Maybe this year, he'll finally grow up!"

"Heeeey. I'll have ya know that THIS duck is staying a tater-tot forever in Never Neverland! Heh."

Megs gave a single nod to the banana doll, "Thanks." He looked back at Quacky. "June seventh? Let's see, that's in... uh, what's today's date again?" he asked, taking off the listening device and fiddling with it.

"It's in three days, Megsinator." Quackerjack smirked suggestively, "Heh. Think you can pop out of a cake for me with a nice, pretty ribbon covering your package?"

A look of surprise came over Megs' face, and he tried to picture that, only to end up shaking his head. "Probably not. Not only are the chances of me surviving being baked into a cake incredibly low, but I'm pretty sure my popping out of something would be hindered if I were holding your birthday package at the same time," he explained. "But I'll see what I can do about the ribbon," he added quickly, as to not completely shatter his friend's hopes, "You're kinda weird, Quacky."

"Heh. Ya can't blame a guy for trying. Besides, buddy, I don't expect ya to remember my birthday anyway. I know how your memory is..."

Quackerjack was a little saddened by that thought before his mind went to much cheerful things.

"Oooooo, but the cake will be delicious! I'm gonna go down to that fancy shmancy bakery on Maine Street, and steal me one of their princess cakes. It's the kind where the poofy part of the dress is the cake, and a doll is sticking out of it and is the rest of the lady. Heh. It's gonna be nice and purple. Oh! And it's angel food cake. Heh. I LOVE that stuff. It's so nice and squishy and soft as a sponge!"

Megavolt sat there, listening intently to his friend's delighted chatter. He was about to stick up for his memory, but then, he realized he had forgotten why exactly they were there to begin with... He had a stethoscope. Had they been playing doctor? He decided against bringing up his memory. What DID catch Megavolt's attention was the cake Quacky had described. A purple princess cake that tasted like sponges? Well, that sounded... He watched Quacky's actions as he continued to chatter on and on about his plans in three days. The rodent had never noticed how... flamboyant the jester was before. Megavolt's mouth decided to ask the question before his brain had a chance to say no.

"Quacky, are you g-" he caught himself in time and loudly cleared his throat to cut off his own words. That was NOT okay to ask. What business was it of his? Why should he care? It did not concern him in any way. But the jester was still looking at him, his brow raised, waiting for him to finish.

"... Gee, you getting tired of this place, too? I kind of forgot why we're here. Can we go home yet?"

Megavolt's question caused Quackerjack to stop his happy talk of birthday plans. He began to glare. Not because of his friend. Oh no, he was just aggravated that they STILL weren't done yet. All this work over some money? Sheesh! They should be out playing and having a merry time, not waiting around doing nothing. Feeling fed up, the mad mallard pushed the rodent out of the way and pulled out a large mallet. With a sadistic smile, he began beating the safe with all his might.

"One, two, one, two! Huff... Through and through!"

Every time the heavy mallet came down upon the safe, Megavolt flinched. He inwardly scolded himself for it, but he couldn't help it. There was no way the crazy clown was going to get into the safe THAT way, but one of the few things the brain-fried genius DID remember is that there was no use in trying to convince Quackerjack of much of anything when he was set on a task. So, Megavolt sat and watched, bored, and waited for the duck to get tired and give up. Suddenly, there was loud CLANG as the door to the badly beaten safe fell off its hinges and onto the floor. Megavolt bolted upright in shock, and Quackerjack clasped his hands together in a rather effeminate congratulatory victory gesture. He bounced up and down a few times. Megavolt stared in awe and disbelief. It suddenly occurred to him how strong the mallard must be to do something like that. Geez! It was a good thing Quacky was on HIS side. Even WITH his electrifying powers, he had a feeling if he got on the clown's bad side, he could easily hold him down and... hurt... him. The rodent buried his face in his hands and whimpered as he realized it wasn't being hurt he was thinking of. Oh, the things sleep deprivation could do to an already frazzled mind! He was glad it was finally time to grab the cash and go home.

"And THAT'S how ya open up a safe! Hahaha!" The devious toymaker giggled, "Heh, actually...that was fun after all! We shoulda done that to begin with!"

He looked over at his pal and smiled. The duck put all the loot into a bag. Throwing the mallet to the side, Quackerjack skipped over to the rodent and locked arms with him.

"Ready to escort the lovely lady outta here, gentle sir? Heh."

Megavolt grinned, "Nice going, Quacky! You really did a number on that safe... wait, lady?" He looked around in panic, wondering if they had a visitor. Then, he realized Quackerjack was talking about himself and wondered again about his friend's sexual orientation. Shrugging it off as a joker joking, Megs pointed to the door of the bank with his free arm and said, "This way lies home, m'lady! Onward! Aheh!" And out the door the two villains strode, both glad to be out of there and heading home.

Quackerjack was humming a joyful, if not slightly random and off-key, tune as they made their way down the street. It was merely background noise to Megavolt, who was deep in thought.

'June seventh... Don't forget, Megavolt! June seventh. I need to come up with a present fast...'

~0~0~0~

END OF CHAPTER TWO

~0~0~0~

AN:

Moonie: Gee, those two sure are oblivious to each other's and their own feelings for each other! I can't imagine anyone being like that in REAL life.

Snark: Why do I get the feeling this is basically the fanfic version of what happened to us?

Moonie: ... I don't remember any gay pillow fights. Or smashing things with mallets, either.

Snark: How many times must I tell you? It was a MANLY pillow fight! Now STFU, and go in the kitchen and make me a sammich...Love yoooooou. 3

Moonie: Oookie dokie. But if you send me to the kitchen, I'm bringing back soup.

Snark: Er...how about we go back to the gay? The gay is safe, and doesn't taste awful. Damn evil soup!

Moonie: LOL. Okay. Does gay taste like skittles? Gasp! Skittles soup! ..Do we have to do a disclaimer for Skittles now?

Snark: Naaaaah. We'll let the legal team handle it. besides, that'll be our second Skittles reference. except "vomit" sounds tastier than "Soup"

Moonie: Looks about the same, though. Are author's notes supposed to be about the story? Oops. My bad.

Snark: Oh...right, that's what we were doing. let's speed this up so we can get to the lesbian joke. "Blah blah blah. gay. perverted. yet more lack of DW. gay gay. Darth Vader is my b*tch...and gaaaaay"

Moonie: Did we cover everything then?

Snark: I think we covered up TOO much! It's hard to see your nipples from here!

Moonie: ..That's not what I meant, Snarkieboo. Oh well, let's get this uncovered then!

SnarK: Hehe. oooooh yeeeah. for now, that's all folks!


	3. You May Be Right I May Be Crazy

"You Drive Me Crazy"

By Moonie and Snark

Disclaimer: The authors do NOT own Darkwing Duck or its characters. Moonie does like big butts, and she cannot lie. If you like, leave a comment. If you hate, leave a comment. If it's a lunatic you may be looking for, leave a comment.

And a big ol' "thank you" to our beta: Celey!

Chapter Three:

"You May Be Right- I May Be Crazy"

~0~0~0~

"Love is just a word until someone comes along and gives it meaning."

~ Unknown

~0~0~0~

It was a beautiful evening in the city of Saint Canard. The air was just beginning to cool after a major scorcher. Most of the citizens had frowned as they went about their day, wiping the sweat off their brow.

Except neither depression nor the heat seemed to affect the town's residential devious toymaker.

June seventh. The day had finally arrived. And what a day it had been! Quackerjack was bouncier and even more hyper than usual. And, quite frankly, he had every right to be. For today was the anniversary of his birth.

"Geesh, narrator, cantcha say 'birthday' without getting all poetic?" The demented toymaker stared up at the ceiling and spoke as if he was talking to some invisible force that was taking the time to narrate his life story. Such was the insanity of Quackerjack...

All day long, the mad mallard had been causing mischief from putting gum in cootie-ridden little girls' hair at the playground to having had tied up Dorkwing and his butt-buddy in an abandoned toy factory. In fact, not too long before, QuackerJack had just gotten back to his home. He had needed to pick up his princess cake, after all. The day had been full of fun, fun, fun!

Yet... he couldn't help but wish he had someone to share his merriment with. He gave a sad smile.

"Not that you weren't fun, Mr. Bananabrain. You were quite the joke teller today."

QuackerJack shook the doll in his hand and made it talk, "What can I say, May? Comedy was always aPEELing."

"Now you're just overdoing it. Heh."

Before the banana could retort, there was a knock on the lair door. The jester looked at it curiously.

"You order any pizza, Bananabrain?"

The duck bounced over to the door and cooed.

"Whoooooo iiiiiis iiiiiiiiit?"

There came an aggravated sigh from the other side of the door.

"It's me! Can I come in already? I'm feeling a little dizzy from this heat. Or maybe I'm still buzzing from that kiddie pool I tripped over and fell into on the way over..." the mystery voice replied. The last bit about the kiddie pool was mumbled and hardly audible through the thick door. It was likely not meant to have been said out loud.

A Cheshire cat grin spread itself across the clown's face. Well... this was an unexpected surprise to say the very least. He yelled through the door.

"Ah ah ah, Megsy. That's not how ya start a knock-knock joke. Haha!"

Silence stretched out for what seemed like forever. Quackerjack began to wonder if his static-charged visitor had left. The jester's question was answered when his friend replied at last.

"Knock-knock joke? Oh, um... okay. How about this one? A Rabbi, a squirrel, and an old widow walk into a bar, and the Rabbi says to the bartender, 'Hey. Aren't ya glad I didn't say orange?'" This was followed by a short bark of mad laughter, then silence again. "Wait... hold on, that's not right. Let me start over..."

Megavolt heard a giggling storm from behind the door. The bells on the toymaker's hat jingled crazily as he tried to keep himself standing. It was too much for his body to handle; Quackerjack crashed to the ground from mirth.

"Buhahahahehehe! Oh, Megster, you're flooring me here! Hehehe! No more, heh, no more! I'll letcha in!"

The rodent shrugged and switched the small package he was holding to the other arm. He heard the door being unlocked. The box itself wasn't very big, but it had a rather large, purple ribbon tied around it, just like he'd promised.

The mad mallard opened the door, and he took in the dripping wet yellow jumpsuit cladded scientist with his eyes. Quackerjack looked him up and down, not noticing the gift.

"I know I've called ya a wet blanket once or twice... heh, but this is ridiculous!"

Before the current wielding villain could frown at the joke or whine, the duck pulled him inside.

"Why are ya standing in the doorway? Come in, knucklehead. Mi casa es su casa. Heh."

Quackerjack hadn't pulled very hard, but it was enough to send the unprepared rodent tripping and stumbling over his own over-sized boots, just catching himself on a nearby wall. The impact caused one of the many balloons that had been taped onto the wall to fall off and hover next to Megavolt, before being sucked into the rodent's static pull and clinging to the side of his face. He batted it away in annoyance and turned to face Quackerjack, standing there in all his insanely colorful glory with a big grin on his face. The little party hat that had been placed atop the duck's jester hat made Megavolt smirk.

"I was hoping I'd catch you home, Quacky. I didn't know if you'd be out..." Megavolt paused to bat away the same balloon that had clung to his right arm this time. "Out doing other things... y'know for your bir-WILL YOU QUIT IT?" he shouted at the pesky balloon, which had once again been pulled in by his static cling and was now sticking to his thigh. He grabbed for it and threw it away with all his might, which caused it to travel all of a foot before slowly descending towards the floor. Megavolt's plug hat began to spark in anger, and he sent a jolt of electricity at the balloon, ridding himself of the personal space invader. Quackerjack was laughing at him. Again. But for some reason, he didn't mind today.

Megs remembered the present with a start. "Oh!" he said, holding out the gift to his friend, "This is for you. Uh, Happy Birthday, pal."

Quackerjack went silent, ceasing his mirth, as his crazed eyes darted back and forth between Megavolt and the purple present. For once, he was shocked into silence. The villain was most noted for forgetting everything right after being told. (It was one of the many reasons others liked sharing secrets with the rodent. He wasn't going to tell anyone, because he wouldn't even recall it!) But this... It touched Quackerjack. He wasn't used to being completely surprised. Being a certain kind of insane made it so that not much phased him. And he doubly wasn't used to feeling his heart swell THIS much from happiness. It took him a moment for the jester to find the words, and he cleared his throat.

"You... remembered?"

Megavolt was having trouble reading the expression on the duck's face. He didn't understand why said expression made him feel strange. 'It's a nice kind of strange, though,' said that annoying voice in the back of his mind. Megs flushed and was forced to break eye contact. He looked around the lair, which was decorated haphazardly with brightly colored streamers and balloons.

"Well... yeah. I don't forget EVERYTHING, you know..." He hoped he sounded more offended than flustered, "...Well, the important things, anyway." He shifted uncomfortably as he became aware that he had forgotten to wear underwear that day.

Quackerjack was shocked yet again. His eyes widened on hearing this. His heart beat faster in his chest. He was amused to hear his little drummer boy become so excited.

"My birthday was important to you?" he paused. "I mean, heh, I know it was important to ME. It's the day I get to do whatever I want and play as many games as I want. But I REALLY didn't expectcha to remember it after I went on and on and on and on about it."

Megs opened his mouth to reply but stopped. Was it strange that he'd remember something like this? No... he didn't think so. Quackerjack was the only real friend the static-charged genius had. Sure, he had a lighthouse full of light bulbs and appliances, but conversations with them always ran in circles, and they were terrible at board games.

'But that doesn't explain why you remembered about the ribbon or him mentioning he liked purple.' The little voice again. Oooh! How he wished he would shut up already!

"Well, sure... I mean, we're friends, right?" he said at last. The rodent then inwardly kicked himself for saying that. What if Quackerjack didn't see them as friends? What if, to him, they were merely occasional partners in crime? …That occasionally had sleepovers and questionable pillow fights.

The toymaker's true grin returned full force. It looked as if his bill was going to split in two. Sure, Quackerjack always thought so. But it was something completely different to hear it. The duck tended to like to play with everyone, but...

"But, of course! Hehe! Why, you're my FAVORITE playmate!" He leaned in to his buddy to whisper, "Just don't tell a certain banana. He might get jeeeeealous. Heh."

The mad mallard held out his hands.

"Ooooo, now show me watcha got me. Gimme gimme!"

Megavolt looked at the jester's outstretched hands and blinked. Then, it dawned on him he was still holding Quackerjack's present. "Oh! Right." He handed it over, the duck's excitement suddenly making him wish he'd gotten more for the guy than socks.

After being shorted out on the way over that day, he was out of energy. He slumped down in a nearby chair and yawned, watching Quackerjack as he carefully removed the ribbon, then savagely tore off the wrapping paper.

Quacky had stuffed the ribbon in his pocket, intending to keep it, before he unwrapped the present with glee. Finally, he tore open the box...

He was surprised yet again. In the package was a pair of pink socks. Seeing them made the jester giggle.

"Heh. I see you're concerned about keeping my toesies nice and toasty, Megster. Except even I think that's an odd gift for the summer. Haha!"

He looked at them even closer, and noticed something was quite different about them. He jerked his head towards the rodent, watching his twitchy fingers. The socks, they looked...

"Megsy, did you make these?"

His guest nodded lazily. "Uh-huh. Sorry. I was going to get them from the store, but they didn't have any I thought you'd like. I mean, they were all... white. And boring." Megs nodded again, seemingly to himself, "Yeah. So, I picked up supplies and made them myself. And it only took me three days, too!" His gaze fell to the duck's jester shoes. "Cause I noticed you don't wear any... you really should, y'know."

Quackerjack's eyes lingered on the present in the box. He gently took them out as if they were a fragile doll. The duck let his thumbs massage the soft material. He smiled softly as he continued to look at the pink fuzzy footwear and to think about the friend behind the socks.

The mallard's first instinct was to laugh at how the villain could actually knit. Gaaaaaaaaay.

But... he pushed the thought aside. Megavolt had not only remembered his special day, but he had also put lots of consideration into the gift. He had thought of what the jester needed, even down to the itty bitty details. Pink socks. Not boring. Quacky's thoughts strayed back to the ribbon in his pocket.

Heh. Quackerjack had never mentioned how purple was his favorite color.

But his Megsy just KNEW.

'My Megsy,' the toymaker mused over his own phrasing, 'Heh. I like the sound of that!'

Before Megavolt knew what hit him, he found himself being tackled in a tight hug.

"Awwwww! Thank you, thank you, thank you! I just LOVE 'em!"

Megs swore his heart skipped a beat or two before thumping rapidly in his chest. This, of course, he chalked up to being frightened by the sudden intrusion of his personal space. That crazy duck sure could move fast! But still... it was amazing how the guy managed to smell like bubblegum and gunpowder, even when the rest of the city's inhabitants smelled like sweat and coffee. It was a nice scent, which delighted the electrical rodent and calmed his normally frazzled mind. His eyes closed without him being aware of it, and he inhaled the scent deeply, and- wait, what? Quackerjack pulled away and gave him a questioning smirk. He opened his beak to say something (to ask if Megavolt had actually sniffed him, Megs figured), but Megs cut him off with another loud sniff.

"I think I'm coming down with something... or I'm allergic to balloons," he lied, pretending to wipe his nose on his own sleeve. "Sorry."

The jester laughed, "Heh. Poor Megsy-Wegsy." Quackerjack looked at his pal seductively as he whispered into Megavolt's ear, "How about you let your Uncle Quacky make you feel aaaaaaall better? Heh."

Even the joker couldn't tell if he was joking or not.

Megavolt's eyes went wide, and his body stiffened against the back of the chair. What was left of his electric current spiked and popped two balloons nearby.

That damn jester! Why did he insist on joking around like that? And, more importantly, why did Megavolt suddenly wish he wouldn't? Quackerjack's fake flirting hadn't ever bothered him before. It was just a part of who the duck was. But lately, his flirting had struck a few new nerves with the rodent. Megavolt wished he'd stop.

Because he wished he wasn't joking.

Megs blinked and let out the breath he hadn't known he'd been holding.

"What?" he asked aloud.

Quackerjack grinned deviously. He didn't know why his comment caused that kind of reaction, but it was funny! The very hint of a blush on his electrical friend was also kind of cute. The mallard licked his own lips as he took Megavolt's plug hat off and threw it to the side. With a sultry chuckle, Quacky wrapped one arm around his friend, and his other hand twirled the rodent's hair.

"I knew I'd eventually make you pop. Hehe. But what I said was, 'How about you let me make you feel all better?'"

Quackerjack jolted up, a thought occurring to him.

"Ooooooo! I know just the thing, too. Nothing makes ME feel better than a good ol' sugar rush!" He skipped back over to the table. "How about a slice of cake?"

Megavolt sat, still recovering from his friend's assault upon his person. He watched the jester skip over to the table in the middle of the room. Thank Edison, THAT was over! So, why did he feel so disappointed?

Shaking his head to clear the thoughts away, he stood up and started to saunter over to where Quackerjack was, only to get half way there and double back to retrieve his hat first. He felt naked without it.

Coming up behind the jester, Megs peeked around to look at the cake and grinned.

"Heeey, you got the princess cake you wanted! The purple one. It, uh, doesn't really taste like sponges, does it?" questioned the static-charged villain.

"Pfft! Heh, naaah. Here, try some."

Quackerjack took the doll part of the cake off and started to cut off a slice. All the while, he hummed "Happy Birthday" to himself. He put the slice of cake on a plate and used one of his plastic forks to cut off a small piece. The mallard held it to the rodent's face.

"Vroooooom! Here comes the air plane! Hehehe! Open wide, Megsy!"

Megavolt scowled and glared at the fork in front of his face, causing his eyes to cross.

"That is NOT an air plane. It doesn't even have an engine. And I am perfectly capable of feeding myself, thank-you-very-much!" he retorted, snatching the fork and plate away from Quackerjack.

Quacky pouted.

"Pooh. Well YOU'RE no fun."

But his grin quickly returned, as the toymaker went to cut his own slice. Quackerjack watched his friend from the corner of his eye, wanting to see what the rodent's reaction would be.

Megs sniffed the chunk of cake on the end of the fork. It certainly SMELLED good. He scrunched up his nose and it disappeared into his mouth. He really had been expecting it to be made of sponges. That seemed like something Quackerjack would do. But, to his delight, it wasn't; it was probably the best baked confection he'd ever tasted... that he could remember, anyway.

He licked the remaining icing off the fork, "This is pretty tasty, Quacky!"

Quackerjack smiled when he saw that Megavolt seemed to enjoy the dessert. While it wasn't his favorite cake, it had always been a tradition getting one on his birthday growing up. As an adult, the tradition stuck with him.

The mallard's heart began to pitter-patter yet again, as he saw his friend lick the fork. The jester's own mouth began to water as he watched Megavolt's tongue flicker and caress it, taking in the last bit of frosting. QuackerJack shook his head, his hat's jingling snapping him back into reality as he knew it.

"Heh. Good to hear! Isn't it just like an angel threw up in your mouth? It's delicious!"

It was getting late, and the day's scorching sun was starting to dissipate. The villainous pair finished their cake. Quackerjack saw his friend out. Megavolt turned to Quacky before leaving.

"So, uh... all in all, has it been a good birthday?"

The duck looked at his Megsy in the eyes. Yeah... HIS Megsy. Their gazes locked; Quackerjack smiled the most genuine and normal looking grin the rodent had ever seen. The jester hugged his friend one last time, this time more gently.

Megavolt beamed when his heard his friend whisper the sweetest words.

"It is now."

~0~0~0~

END OF CHAPTER THREE

~0~0~0~

AN:

Snark: That was so...So...

Moonie: Gaaaaaay. But in a good way!

Snark: I was going to say "over dramatic and sappy". But I like your answer better. then again, I like every word that comes from your pretty lil' mouth.

Moonie: You're biased dear. But poor Quacky and Megs can't be blamed for all this sap! We had a lot of emotional crap to pour out through them. They sure do make great sock puppets.

Snark: My favorite part of this therapy session was when we had the puppets humping each other.

Moonie: Aw, you just totally gave away the plot for the next chapter!

Snark: You mean it wasn't obvious already? They both practically had boners in this!

Moonie: ... You have a point thar. Speaking of which, meet you in the bedroom. 3

Snark: My lady parts tingle with excitement. And with that, everybody else shoo! Hellooooooooo Mister Strap on!


	4. Electric Avenue

"You Drive Me Crazy"

By Moonie and Snark

Disclaimer: The authors do NOT own Darkwing Duck or its characters.

And a big ol' "thank you" to our beta: Celey!

Chapter Four:

"Electric Avenue"

~0~0~0~

"When you smiled you had my undivided attention. When you laughed you had my urge to laugh with you. When you cried you had my urge to hold you. When you said you loved me, you had my heart forever."

~ Unknown

~0~0~0~

"Oooo, what a funny lil' thingamabob!"

It was night yet again in the fair city of Saint Canard. While most people snuggled underneath their covers, safe and unaware of the world around them, night was when "they" came out to play. The monsters and the crazies felt more in their element while shrouded in the dark. It was far easier to cause mischief and to have fun in the night.

QuackerJack and Megavolt were experts when it came to that.

The mad mallard and the insane rodent were out and about once more. They were causing havoc and having a grand time doing it. This time, however, it had been the static villain's turn to pick the game. It didn't matter to the duck too much; he enjoyed games of all sorts.

Megavolt had decided it was the perfect night to rescue his poor comrades in arms from the local Radioquack. He had been busy stuffing his over-sized burlap sack full of newly liberated electrical treasures, when he turned to his partner in crime to see him standing by a display case. He was holding up what looked like some sort of black box. Megavolt shook his head and sighed.

"That's a shortwave radio, Quacky," he informed the jester, temporarily abandoning his liberation of the store's whole supply of rechargeable batteries, to join him at the other end of the isle.

Megavolt reached for it. Quackerjack pulled it away and held it above his head, out of the rodent's reach.

"Nah-uh, Sparky! Ya didn't say 'please.' Hehehaha!" he teased.

Megavolt balled his fists and grit his teeth in aggravation at both the teasing and the use of that hated nickname. His hat sparked, lighting up the otherwise dark store with a dull blue glow for a few moments.

"Would you stop calling me that?" he hissed, reaching again for the radio and missing.

Quackerjack was giggling. Megs was about to fry his feathers when he got a better idea. Just HOW it was a better idea, he didn't know. A devious smirk spread over his face as he reached out to tickle the insane toy maker's sides.

Unknown to many people was the fact that the mallard was very ticklish on his side. Quacky was tickled into submission almost instantly. It didn't take long before the jester was shedding tears.

"Buhahaha! I give. I GIVE! Hahaha! Uncle! Uncle!"

Megavolt grinned and swiped his prize away from the weakened clown.

"Thaaaank you!"

The rodent's face lit up as he examined the radio. "Tone, band selection, rotary power volume, tuning, light switch, power select, alert voice, cell phone side switch, digital readout, nice, very nice!" he rattled on to himself, much more enthused over a simple radio than any sane person would be. He held the thing to his ear... or where his ear would be, if he had any.

"What's that, little guy? You want to come home with ME? Weeell, I'm sure I have room for one more friend," replied Megavolt to the unasked question. The radio disappeared into the bag with the rest of the 'liberated' goods.

The nearby display case caught Megs' eye. He couldn't have cared less about the fancy television remotes being displayed in it; he was far more interested in freeing those poor light bulbs that were currently asleep after a long, hard day of servitude. Megavolt began busying himself trying to open the case, when he noticed Quackerjack standing behind him, watching. 'He's probably bored again...' he thought to himself. He turned.

"I think there's some radio-controlled cars and such over there," he said, pointing in a general direction of where he thought he remembered seeing them on the way in.

The duck had been watching the scene with a great deal of interest. The way the rodent's voice became so soft and loving to how his fingers gently stroke the surface... It sent a tingle of excitement through his body.

And how he REALLY wished he was that whatchamacallit...

Quackerjack was taken out of his trance when Megavolt had addressed the toys. He grinned widely.

"Now THAT is just the thing to cure any clown's boredom!"

He paused, giving a sultry glance at his Megsy as another entertaining notion sprung to mind.

"Heh. Well, second best at least."

But before he let his impulse completely take over, the toymaker went on a mission to find the remote-controlled cars. He hummed and skipped, his hat jingling to the beat, as he went to go play.

There it was again! That look. What did it mean? Why did it always send pleasant shivers up and down the rodent's spine? The only other time he'd ever remembered feeling that way was when he'd been pushed into the lady's shower room by a group of bullies back in High School. He had ended up seeing a lot more than he'd ever seen in any biology book. But what WAS this feeling?

'You know exactly what it is. Why won't you just admit it already? He's flirting with you and you liiike it.' Megavolt's eyes grew wide, his mouth hung open and he spun around to face the display case. His eyes narrowed as they transfixed on the middle bulb, and he pressed his face to the glass.

"What? That's insane! I do NOT like it!" Megavolt scolded the silent bulb, punctuating every other syllable by poking the glass with his finger. He pulled away and took out a high-powered home made glass cutter and went to work making a hole in the case. "I mean..." he reached in, unscrewed the bulb, and brought it out, looking at it. "It's not like... he means it, anyway. He's only kidding, you know." He turned his back to the glass case and slid down until he was sitting on the floor, his knees to his chest. "It's what he does..." he said, with a sad sigh.

He sat that way for awhile, just looking at his new friend, seeming to listen intently to the small luminary. After a few seemingly silent moments, Megavolt snorted.

"Love? Hah! Don't be ridiculous. That stuff only happens in sappy movies," he said, a bitter note in his voice. He seemed to think on this some more. "Besides... even IF I did, Quacky isn't..." he looked away, unable to even say the word, "you know." He shrugged, "Not that it matters, anyway!"

Megavolt stood up so suddenly, it made him dizzy, but his grin had returned. He held up the bulb and gazed at it lovingly.

"Not like you, my luscious luminary babe! So perfect, so genderless, so... so completely oblivious to what society deems acceptable to feel! Gender gets in the way of whatever might exist of this so-called love phenomenon. But gender completely loses meaning through circuits and filaments. Oh, how I ENVY you!" Megavolt finished his overly-dramatic speech with an overly-dramatic pose.

"But that just means YOU can love me. Sure, I may not have filaments, but I've got a certain SPARK about me, aheeeh!" he ran his current through the bulb, lighting it up to prove his point. "Well, would ya look at that! You're the light of my life already! Aheheeeh!" Megavolt kissed the luminary gently before tucking it into his pocket and turning back to get to work freeing the other display lights.

Quackerjack had been off in the other section of the store, playing around with all the doodads. He was having a blast! Doubly so, once he accidentally crashed one of the cars and caused it to set on fire. It quickly put itself out.

"Oopsy! Heh. Welp, looks like THAT wasn't safe for kiddies over the age of ten, afterall. Haha!"

The jester's giggling ended, as he heard a mumbling in the background. On closer inspection, he heard it was just his Megsy chattering on. However, the duck couldn't hear what he was saying. He snuck his way back towards the rodent, being as quiet as he could. You never know, maybe "he who touches himself in the night" had decided to pay them a surprise visit.

And Quackerjack just LOVED surprises.

The colorful duck arrived just when Megavolt had begun wooing his bulby-wulby. Yet again, the toymaker went into his trance. He frowned as his pal talked about love to the filament whore.

"Hmph. Stupid Megsy," he mumbled, "I can show you to have MUCH more fun. Ya might be able to give her sparks, but no one can show you the time of your life like me."

'Or show you as much love, Dove.'

As silly as it was to any normal person, Quackerjack was jealous of the bulb. Jealous that it wasn't HIM that the rodent was holding. Envious that he wasn't cooing to the clown. His own body reacted to watching the charge in Megavolt's hand.

Oh, how he wished they could play special games!

...Wait, why couldn't they?

The jester's grin returned. Why, what a delicious notion! Getting up from his hiding place behind some other electronic toys, he began to sneak up to the other villain.

Megavolt wouldn't know what hit him!

Quackerjack laughed as he finally tackled his friend.

"Boo! Hahahahehe!"

There was a short yelp, followed by a ka-THUD as the unsuspecting rodent was tackled to the floor. Megavolt went through a colorful range of emotions when he found himself on his back, looking up at the giggling jester on top of him. First, he was relieved that it was Quackerjack and not the yapping terror come to foil their rescue mission. Then, he felt those uncomfortably pleasant shivers through his body that he still did not have a name for. And then, there was anger. He'd been feeling frustrated in more ways than one those past months, and it had turned the normally fun times with his pal into hatefully pleasant torture whenever the guy was around. Seemingly innocent and playful gestures such as this certainly did NOT help. Oh, WHY did he torture him so?

"Quackerjack... get offa' me. That's not funny." Megavolt had hoped he would have sounded more angry and threatening than that, but by the time he'd finally opened his mouth to berate the jester, his mood had changed once again to ungratified sadness. It came out sounding more like pitiful whining. He felt close to tears, and he hated himself for it. What was it about that damn duck that turned him into a sniveling little girl?

The jester beamed deviously as he sat on his friend's stomach. He wiggled a bit, not being able to hold in his perverse play. The mad mallard leered at the rodent underneath him.

"Nope. Not gonna, Megsy," he said with a lewd grin.

He placed his hands on the ground on both sides of Megavolt's head. He leaned in closer, the rodent being able to see the twinkle of mania in the toymaker's eyes. Quackerjack was close enough to the other villain's face, that he could feel the heat coming off of the rat's every breath.

Oh, how he craved his friend!

But...that's not how the game went. It was about keeping the electrically charged individual second guessing, not knowing exactly what was going to happen. Making him want him just as much as he wanted Megavolt. To make him spark and light up too.

Quackerjack's tongue moistened his bill.

"Heh. How aboutcha MAKE me?"

Megavolt was jolted by the challenge, and even more so to find that he didn't want to make the jester leave. His body was starting to react to Quackerjack in a way he didn't think possible since half of his brain was fried. If Quackerjack were to get off of him, he might see that and it would not only put an end to their night of fun but very likely their friendship as well. Having the duck's warm, sweet smelling breath on his face and those deliciously wild eyes gazing back into his own was only making this situation worse by the second.

He reached up and took Quackerjack's hands, taking them off of his face and using the leverage to push the mallard away a bit.

"Gladly..." Megavolt mumbled, sending dual warning current through Quackerjack's hands and up his arms.

The electricity shot pleasure through the mallard's body. He did his best to hold in his moan, as he received the shock to his system. To the devious toymaker, it felt as refreshing and erotic as a sudden splash of cool water to the skin. His very nerves picked up and sensually delivered to his brain how oddly nice it felt. By the time Megavolt was finished, some of Quackerjack's feathers felt a little fried.

A dark and seductive chuckle escaped his throat. Quackerjack leaned in again, whispering into the rodent's ear.

"Let's try that again. Heh."

Megavolt growled. So, the crazy toy maker didn't heed his warning? Fine! He shouldn't have given one, anyway. Quackerjack was messing with him. NO one messed with Megavolt. OR his deadly voltage! Squeezing the duck's hands in his own, the super-charged super-villain pumped a much stronger current through his assailant's body. Surely, THIS would put an end to this maddening game that he had been forced to play.

Quackerjack gasped. The anger and frustration, plus the stronger shock, from his friend drove him crazy! The duck felt his slinky begin to harden, as the current continued to surge through him. Not being able to control himself anymore, while still having sparks shooting off of him, QuackerJack dove in for the kill.

The jester's bill scrunched up Megavolt's nose as their lips clashed.

It happened so quickly. It was NOT the reaction he had been expecting. It took the rodent a few moments to figure out just why he suddenly tasted something sweet. He inhaled sharply (which caused a light whistling sound due to his nose being squished the way it was) and his heart began to beat rapidly in his chest as the full realization hit him. His best friend's tongue was busy exploring his mouth in the most sensual experience of his life. Megavolt was done trying to deny and make excuses for what he had wanted. This was it. This was what he wanted. Every inch of him was screaming that this was what he wanted.

His own tongue darted into Quackerjack's bill and hungrily explored every sweet inch of it. His arms wrapped around the duck's body, his hands grabbing the slick fabric at the back of his shirt. He shamelessly hoped that it wasn't Mr. Bananabrain that was poking him in the stomach.

At last, they broke apart, both breathing heavily. Quackerjack was looking down upon him again, smiling wide, watching for a reaction with eyes that shone with a mad sort of love and longing. Megavolt tried to speak.

"Uhh... I, er... that is, do you, ah..." and his brain wouldn't let him form a full sentence. He sighed and did his best to clear his mind after that.

"Quacky, please say you're not joking for a change. I don't think I can take anymore of this kind of joking..." he managed to say this time, but it was still shaky and whiny. He shifted uncomfortably and whimpered lightly as he felt his lightning rod pressing distressfully against his jumpsuit.

Quackerjack's loving expression turned to one of hurt.

"Megsy...do you honestly think even *I* can joke around like that?"

He thought over the years they've been together. Of all the fun they had and of every single emotion he ever had towards the rodent. He typically was a happy guy...

But being around Megavolt gave him a joy like no other.

Quackerjack kissed his companion on the nose, this time being gentle.

"No Megsy, I'm as serious as a clown can be. Heh."

Megavolt smiled, his heart felt full and light as air at the same time. This wonderful, sometimes frustrating, feeling that Quackerjack always seemed to bring upon him whenever he was around, it had been love after all. He just refused to see it for fear of ruining the only real friendship he'd ever had.

Megs nodded once. "Good. I, uh..." he took Quacky's right hand and kissed the finger tips, flushing slightly. "Me too, pal."

"Goody," the toymaker cried out in excitement, "Then, it's settled."

Quackerjack's expression turned to one of full blown lust.

"It's playtime."

~0~0~0~

END OF CHAPTER FOUR

~0~0~0~

AN:

Snark: Sniff. Your Megsy-wegsy is so beautiful.

Moonie: If by 'beautiful' you mean girly and corny, then I'd have to agree!

Snark: Awww. Don't say that, you'll hurt his feelings.

Moonie: He's too busy making out with his boyfriend to care what *I* think. The REAL victim here is that poor light bulb in Megsy's pocket. Her heart's been broken AND she's gotta hold witness to their play time.

Snark: ...I wish I was that light bulb right now.

Moonie. LOL. Yeah, me too. Oh! But we could hold witness to our OWN gay happy sexy play times. Which reminds me, should we warn the readers that the final chapter will be diiiirty?

Snark: if by "final" you mean the next chapter...I guess we should warn them. I mean, that was why we split the chapter up. so our prudish readers wouldn't have to read the buttsex, but still see how they finally became a couple. (weirdos. I don't see how anyone can refuse a porno.) ...Wait, did you just promise to pleasure me now?

Moonie: Maaaaybe 3

Snark: Then what are we still doing here? To the bedroom! Hehehe! well, TTFN- Ta ta for Now!


	5. Make a Circuit With Me

"You Drive Me Crazy"

By Moonie and Snark

Disclaimer: The authors do NOT own Darkwing Duck or its characters. But Snark says she will someday rape Bushroot...with her wifey watching, of course. If you like, leave a comment. If you hate, leave a comment. If you wet your underwear...Let Big momma help you out with thaaaaat. Heh.

And a big ol' "thank you" to our beta: Celey!

Chapter Five:

"Make a Circuit With Me"

~0~0~0~

"Romantic love is mental illness. But it's a pleasurable one. It's a drug. It distorts reality, and that's the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw."

~ Fran Lebowitz

~0~0~0~

"It's playtime."

Megavolt sat up with a start. Or he tried to anyway... He didn't get very far with Quackerjack still planted on his stomach.

"Playtime? You mean THAT kind of playtime? Now? HERE? With everyone watching?" he stammered, casting nervous glances at the appliances surrounding them on every side. He was slightly surprised about how much being watched excited him, actually.

"Suuuuuure! Heh. Wouldn't it be fun?"

Megavolt tried again and managed to sit up all the way, Quackerjack sliding down until he was sitting on his friend's lap. Which, by this point, was likely uncomfortable due to the stiff lightning rod protruding from said lap. But the jester didn't seem to mind much, as he wrapped his legs around the rodent's waist.

Megs snaked his arms around to Quacky's rear and down the back of his pants, bringing his fingertips as far down as this current position would allow. He brought them up slowly, leaving a trail of static up to the tip of his feathery tail.

"Maybe... who knows, maybe they'll get almost as much of a CHARGE out of it as we will, yeah?"

The current sent a shiver of pleasure up the duck's spine. And feeling a friend poke him in the rear was a plus. He giggled.

"Heh. Maybe we should sell them all tickets for the show then."

Quackerjack went in for another kiss, as he began to help his Megsy wiggle off his battery. The jester smiled as he yet again explored the rodent's mouth.

He was amused to find that Megavolt had forgotten to brush his teeth that morning.

No sooner had the battery come off, Megavolt broke the kiss to yank off Quackerjack's collar. It had come off a lot easier than he'd expected, the bells on the jester's hat jingling softly as he did so. The static-charged villain buried his nose into the toy maker's newly exposed neck and sniffed deeply, as he'd done the day of his friend's birthday. Except this time, he didn't need to think up an excuse or feel guilty about it. At that moment, Megavolt decided that bubblegum and gunpowder was by far the most wonderful scent in the world.

The jester laughed as the rodent's whiskers tickled his neck. Having Megavolt so close, however, gave him the perfect chance to remove his favorite playmate's plug hat. The headwear was tossed aside, and a messy flame of hair was exposed. Quackerjack had always been intrigued by how the villain's hair seemed to change colors everytime he got to see it: from brunette to red. The duck swore he even remembered seeing it a dirty blonde once! It was like a fun magic trick.

Suddenly, a naughty notion sprung to mind.

"Hehe. Does the carpet match the drapes?"

The rodent pulled away and gave the duck a quizzical, if not slightly annoyed, look. Sometimes, Megavolt swore his friend's attention span could be even worse than his own.

"Carpet? Drapes? Uh, don't you think it's a little early to be discussing home decor...?"

"Buhahaha! Not what I meant. Heh. Guess that means I get to find out for myself. In the name of science, of course. Tee-hee!"

Before Megavolt could even question the mad mallard further, Quackerjack began removing the rodent's jumpsuit.

Megavolt flushed a bright red. His mind began to race, and he began to panic a bit. Oh, that's right. Fornication required one to be naked in front of others. This was certainly not something he had thought about. Flashbacks of being laughed at and ridiculed in the high school shower rooms came flooding back. Oh, how he'd hated the shower rooms!

'Well, at least it's dark...' Megavolt thought, as Quackerjack unzipped his suit and slid them off his arms (along with his gloves), exposing his scant chest and abdomen.

Finally, Quackerjack took in all of the naked rat underneath him. Gazing up and down, his fingers began to run up and down Megavolt's chest and belly. The jester could feel his fingers tingle from the current that came off of the villain. After caressing for awhile, Quacky's eyes rested on his prize.

He giggled. And before Megavolt could either be angry or flustered, it turned into a full blown laugh.

"Hahaha! So, it does! My hypothesis was correct! Heh. Give me a gold star and a ribbon at the science fair!" The toymaker looked at his friend's nether regions again. "But lookie here! No one ever told me you had a happy trail!"

Megs joined his friend's gaze to his own groin and cocked an eyebrow and frowned. "Happy trail... ?" he mumbled. He'd never heard it called THAT before. Then again, he'd never discussed it before, either. Oh well, no matter. It was Quackerjack's turn now. He eagerly went to work in removing the jester's colorful shirt.

"I never thought I'd live to see the day someone wanted me naked. Heh. Most of the time I'm usually sent to prison for indecent exposure! Hehe!"

The shirt came off. The electrical rodent was pleasantly surprised to find a rather athletic build underneath. He ran his right hand through the soft feathers on the duck's chest, sighing contentedly. Megavolt admitted to himself that this was a pretty effeminate thing to do. He spoke without taking his eyes off of Quackerjack's exposed upper body.

"You've been naked in public?" he asked. Megavolt felt a pang of jealousy and anger at the thought of others seeing his friend naked. The roden't hands had made it down to those poofy pants, and he began tugging on the elastic band that held them in place. "How come you never did that when I was around?"

Quackerjack picked up on the other villain's jealousy and became very amused.

"Sooooorry. Didn't know I had to schedule ya in on it." He giggled, "Buuuuuut, I guess it was because you were always out doing your own thing when I got these sudden impulses. "

The mad mallard thought for a moment; his fingers drummed on Megavolt's chest. "Besides, heh, I doubt you woulda wanted to do it if I DID ring you up. 'Bring, bring. Hiyah, Megsy! Wanna go running through the playground naked?' Hahaha!"

Quackerjack had a point. But his pal was on to other things, and he received only a distracted 'mm-hm' as a response. Megavolt yanked down the front of the duck's pants after failing to pull them off due to the way they were sitting. Megs soon found himself face-to-face with a rather large and rather happy saluting soldier. He actually flinched back as if he thought it might bite.

"Sheesh, Quacky! What do you FEED this thing?" Megs teased, grinning for more reasons than one. The rodent wrapped his hand around it and lightly squeezed.

"Oh, the things you feed all growing boys. Heh. Candy, cocoa moo, jell-" Quackerjack cut himself off as Megavolt squeezed him member. he lightly moaned. "Ooooo!"

The jester wagged his finger teasingly, as if he was scolding a child. His smile, however, told the rodent he was anything BUT angry.

"Now, now. Heh. This is NOT how the game goes. The toymaker plays with his toys, not the other way around. Heh."

Quackerjack tickled the rodent's sides, causing Megs to release his hold. Seeing this as his perfect oppertunity, the mad mallard bent over to claim his companion's left nipple. He swirled his tongue over it, while his fingers continued to tickle and tease the man under him.

Megavolt inhaled sharply as the duck's slick tongue worked over his sensitive nipple. How Quacky had known that he was sensitive there, he'd never know! He let out a shaky breath and squirmed a tad from the tickling. The combination of the two sensations sent his current spiking and static licked out from the tips of his hair. Quackerjack's saliva also caused a few sparks where it touched the static-charged villain's skin, and it stung a bit but only seemed to add to the pleasure.

His painfully throbbing member seemed to complain about how Quacky was still a tease, but the only difference was, Megs was certain he didn't want him to stop.

And Quackerjack had felt the other's lightning rod flinch and throb against him. Giving one final nibble on the rodent's chest, the jester looked his playmate in the eyes. He grinned.

"Heh, you up for playing a game of hide 'n seek?"

This was greeted with a whine of protest. "Hide and- Quackerjaaaack, you have the worst timing! Can't we, y'know... at least finish here first?" Hide and seek was the last thing on the electrical villain's mind at that moment. Not that he'd ever been a fan of it to begin with; he always forgot he was seeking or forgot where he hid and completely lost himself. That was the worst.

This caused yet another uproar of laughter. QuackerJack was even crying from his mirth. This made the rodent wonder just what was so funny.

"No, no, noooooo, I don't think ya understand. Hehe! It's all part of the same game."

The toymaker dug into his pocket, searching for just the item he hoped would explain the game better. Finally, after a few moments of rummaging, the duck pulled out what he was looking for. Megavolt looked at it curiously, as Quackerjack went on:

"You hide, heh, then I seek. You hide again... and again... and again! Haha!"

Megs had to squint to read the label on the tube Quacky was holding in the dark.

"Fruity Lube?" he read out loud. Recognition dawned on his face. "Oh! Well, I'm definitely up for THAT kind of game..." he glanced at his own overly-stimulated lighting rod. "Very 'up.' Aheeh." His gaze switched to Quackerjack's large member and felt his anus clench involuntarily.

"As long as I do the hiding..." he added. 'All the lube in the world couldn't save me from weeks of being unable to sit down after having THAT shoved up my backside...' was a thought he decided to keep to himself.

Quackerjack bounced from excitement. His junk wagging in Megavolt's face.

"I knew there was a reason I loved ya, buddy! Hehe! Only you play along juuuuust right."

The jester began to slide his way down, and then his Megsy's manhood was staring right at him. Quacky squeezed some of the lube out onto his hands, rubbing them to warm the gel up. After a moment, he started to apply it on his companion's member.

The sudden attention to the rodent's painfully needy cock resulted in a gasp that tapered off into a whimper. Still, even through his pleasure-fogged mind, Megavolt was smiling for a different reason.

'Quacky just said he loved me...'

Quackerjack enjoyed the expression on his lover's face. He stopped his administrations, however, to wag his finger at his friend again.

"Uh-uh, don't enjoy yourself TOO much. Heh. Don't wanna end the fun too soon."

The jester teasingly squeezed the other villain's penis before sliding up his friend again. A mischevious and sultry gaze was what Megavolt found when he looked into Quackerjack's eyes. The duck shook his tush over Megavolt's lightning rod playfully.

"Ready, Freddy?"

"Yes!" Megavolt snapped. All of this teasing was driving him mad... as mad as an already demented individual could get, anyway. His whole body ached with desire and anticipation; the villain had never craved duck so badly. He wished the crazy jester would get on with it already.

"Heh, talk about an eager beaver."

Before Megavolt could groan in frustration, he gave a throaty moan. QuackerJack had grabbed onto the rodent's shaft, helping aim the head towards his welcoming glory hole. The jester giggled as he helped his friend penetrate him. Once the tip was inside, the clown's hands went to grab onto the villain's sides, as he eased Megavolt into him.

QuackerJack was used to sticking things up his rectum. In fact, in his lair, he had many fun toys he would have cave diving. But... Nothing that sent off a shock inside his core.

It made the mallard clench with pleasure.

Megavolt's toes began to curl, and his current started to go haywire as he was slid into the rather tight and very warm hole. Having his member stroked, squeezed, and teased by his friend's hand was one thing, having it encased in a warm, tight, anal hug was quite another. When he felt the current traveling up his shaft, his breath caught in his throat, and he stiffened in a slight panic, realizing it was too late to stop it. When it had resulted in Quackerjack clenching around him even tighter, Megavolt moaned again. The look on his friend's face told him that it had been anything but unpleasant for him, either.

'Good to know...' Megavolt thought, deviously.

It didn't take long for the rodent's modest length to make it fully inside. Once he was buried to the hilt, Quacky sat there for a moment, smiling down at him. Then, he slowly began to lift off for another plunge. As the duck started back down, Megavolt thrust his hips up with great force.

"Oooh, looks like this will be a wild ride after all! Haha!"

QuackerJack continued to rise and fall over the built-in vibrator. Up and down. Up and down. It was like a sexual merry-go-round. Everytime he went down, he was greeted by a thrust and a shock.

If his laughter and moans were any indication, he was REALLY enjoying himself. And if that wasn't enough proof, Megavolt held witness to the ducksauce that oozed from his friend's slinky.

The oozing pre-cum sizzled and sparked where it landed on Megavolt's static-charged flesh, but it was barely noticed as the rodent felt the pleasure growing, pressure building in his nether regions. The rodent was nearing his peak fast, and it proved to be overwhelming. Megavolt quit his thrusting, but Quackerjack picked up the slack and began to thrust twice as hard.

"AH! Q-Quacky...!"

The toymaker merely picked up his speed as he heard his nickname uttered. The voltage hitting his prostate harder and harder. He was no longer laughing as he panted after every thrust. His body craved for sweet release.

"R-ride em, cowboy! Heh."

The increased speed was enough to send Megavolt over the edge, and Quackerjack's 'bucking bronco' bucked one last time. The rodent's whole body clenched as orgasm hit. He pumped both cum and close-to-dangerously high voltage into the duck's rectum.

This was the spark needed to send Quackerjack into his climax. His creamy delights spilled all over Megavolt's chest. They both panted for a bit, not believing just how... great that was.

Before either one of them could say a word, they were interrupted by a familliar blue smoke. Not soon afterwards, an annoying voice boomed from all around.

Megavolt panicked.

"I am the terror that flaps in the night! I am the awkward comment that ruins your date! I am Daaaaaaaaarkwiiii- HOLY HOPPING HOP SCOTCH!"

A certain purple-clad hero's jaw had literally hit the floor from what he waltzed in on. Darkwing Duck tried his best to advert his gaze, to close his eyes, to have done...SOMETHING!

But he couldn't look away from the horror.

"I...You... HIM...There."

The world started to spin.

"We'll... get back to you after the commercial break."

And before anything else could be said, Darkwing was out cold.

~0~0~0~

END OF CHAPTER FIVE

~0~0~0~

AN:

Snark: I don't know about you...but Darkwing was my favorite part...after all the sex, of course.

Moonie: ... There was something else besides sex and Darkwing? I think I missed something.

Snark: Am I the only one who noticed the rare bisexual unicorn?

Moonie: I missed it AGAIN? Dammit! ... Did Darkwing ride in on it? Oh well. I'm just glad he let them finish first.

Snark: Pfft! Just be glad Darking has a good enough timing to have arrived once they finished. I think he would have died (or exploded) if he walked in on them while they were still actually doing it.

Moonie: ... Good point. Do you think they got away?

Snark: Probably! But not without stealing the goods, and putting DW in an embarrassing situation. Like sticking something up his rectum.

Moonie: LOL! Ah, happy endings 3

Snark: Speaking of which...time to create our own happy ending! Hehe. To the Batcave! And by "Batcave", I mean your vagina. Away! Till text time folks, bye bye!


End file.
